I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
