so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
