Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i think my cat just said my name.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
