Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
