I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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