So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
