you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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