There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
