if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
