I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
