we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
