im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
