it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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