I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
