i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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