i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
