So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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