I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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