I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
