How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
