I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
