Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
