She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
