drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
