sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
