my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
