I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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