dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize