2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
