My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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