If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
