they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We have so much sex to catch up on
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
