I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
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