I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
