but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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