I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Nicole vs. Life
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
