You're so nebulous sometimes
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
