thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
