She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
