so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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