I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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