I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
