I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
