And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Damn victory sex feels great
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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