The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
