I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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