I'm gonna have a badass scar
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
