Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize