How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Randomize
