So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
