I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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