dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize