Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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