Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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