Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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