The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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