What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
