Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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