She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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