he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
