i wish starbucks made bloody marys
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
