I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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