Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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