Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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