no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize