Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
