It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
