She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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