I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize