If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
