Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
