just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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