I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
