That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
