new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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